Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
