ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They took my balls.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
