Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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