I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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