does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
