He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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