never play flip cup with pint glasses
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
