I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
"it" just moved
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ladies don't puke and tell
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
