hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
