Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
