I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
