The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
