The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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