Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
