you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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