the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
