I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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