Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
