I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
