remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
