Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
