Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
