I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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