I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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