i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
