no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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