Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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