life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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