I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize