hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
