I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
