Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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