Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
