she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
