just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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