Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
