not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
