I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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