How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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