ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
