Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize