I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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