He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
