made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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