If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
