my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
