remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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