He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
