Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize