I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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