no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
