My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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