Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
