well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
