hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
