those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
