I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
