It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
