can u get pink eye on your cock?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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