Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
