Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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