Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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