So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize