i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
