if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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