I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
