i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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