did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
