He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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